I am keeping this entry as part of an ongoing record: lived experience, spiritual inquiry, and the patient work of finding language for what moves between the visible and the unseen.

I’ve been steadily chipping away at two major projects that demand both my time and mental energy: developing content for my Patreon and building a comprehensive guide to Foundational Spiritualist Knowledge. There’s been progress, and I’m grateful for that, but the work is far from over. It’s become clear that, with the scope of these projects, this is going to be a long, gradual process. At best, I’m able to complete around five to ten entries or tasks in a day, which feels like a mere trickle against the tide of what’s still ahead. Yet, I remind myself that slow progress is still progress.

In the course of my work, I’ve created multiple custom GPTs tailored for different aspects of the Patreon project—one specifically for defining Patreon tiers, another for crafting content suited to various skill levels within spiritualism. Each GPT has its unique purpose, and each one is like a finely tuned tool in a creative toolkit. But this creative and analytical work isn’t without its challenges. Recently, I’ve felt my energy waning; there’s a sense of fatigue that creeps in, and my motivation dips. Adding to this, I’ve run out of weed, which I’ve come to rely on not only as a source of relaxation but as a catalyst for inspiration and focus. Weed has often served as a buffer, soothing the frustration I sometimes feel in the creative grind and allowing me a more centered mindset.

There’s something complex about its role in my life. Beyond the immediate sense of calm, weed has been an energy boost, a creative spark, a quiet companion on the days when the weight of these projects—and life’s many other pressures—felt heavier than usual. However, it’s not a sustainable solution. Living on Canadian Disability, with a fixed income of $1,250 a month, means that I’m constantly juggling basic necessities. The cost of weed is becoming harder to justify, and as much as it helps, I know that moving away from it, or at least cutting back, might be necessary.

The financial strain is a stark reality I can’t ignore, and it often feels like a significant barrier between where I am now and where I want to be. There’s a constant internal negotiation—balancing my passion for creating valuable spiritualist content and maintaining my own mental well-being with the resources I have. It’s a frustrating reality, one that sometimes makes me wonder how sustainable this path is. Yet, even in these moments of doubt, something within me knows that this work is important, not just for me but for those who seek the knowledge I’m putting together. So, I’ll keep going, taking each day as it comes, and doing what I can to bring these projects to life in a way that stays true to my vision.

Bullet Journal Entry: November 14, 2024

🌱 Reflections

  • Gratitude: Appreciative of the steady progress on both Patreon content and the spiritualist guide, recognizing each completed entry as a step forward.
  • Realization: Embracing that these projects will be long-term endeavors. The gradual pace can be disheartening, but each bit of progress matters.
  • Complex Relationship: Reflecting on the role of weed in my creative process—acknowledging its benefits but also recognizing the need to reconsider its place in my life due to financial limitations.

🛠️ Project Status

Patreon Content Development

  • Created custom GPTs for specific tasks:
    • Tier Definition: Crafted tools for defining Patreon tiers tailored to supporter needs.
    • Content by Skill Level: Developed tools for creating content that suits various levels within spiritualism.
  • Daily Output: Achieving around 5-10 tasks per day; it feels small, but each task builds the larger vision.

Foundational Spiritualist Guide

  • Made headway in curating essential spiritual knowledge; however, the expansive scope is a constant reminder of the work still ahead.

⚡ Challenges & Insights

  • Energy and Motivation: Feeling fatigue set in—reminding myself to respect my limits and look for ways to recharge.
  • Financial Strain: With a limited monthly budget, balancing project costs and personal needs remains a challenge.
    • Weed Expense: Considering adjustments in usage as it becomes harder to justify within my financial constraints.
    • Sustainability Concerns: Wrestling with thoughts on the financial sustainability of my work yet sensing a deeper purpose behind these projects.

🎯 Goals Moving Forward

  • Daily Progress: Continue aiming for 5-10 entries or tasks per day, celebrating each small achievement.
  • Budget Mindfulness: Reassess priorities in spending to maintain focus on essentials while minimizing extras.
  • Mindset Shift: Cultivate a mindset that values slow progress as meaningful, despite financial or resource-based setbacks.

🌟 Motivational Reminders

  • “Slow progress is still progress”—keeping this phrase front of mind when the scope of the project feels overwhelming.
  • Remembering the importance of my work to those seeking knowledge in spiritualism; there’s a purpose beyond the challenges, and every entry I complete is a contribution to that mission.