I am keeping this entry as part of an ongoing record: lived experience, spiritual inquiry, and the patient work of finding language for what moves between the visible and the unseen.

Every time I see Jamie, it’s like a weight lifts off my shoulders; I just feel better. I’ve come to realize that spending time with family has a power that is hard to find elsewhere, yet it’s something many of us often overlook or don’t pursue enough. If given the choice, I think many people would choose to be with family above all else. Jamie and I have always shared a special connection, and I feel grateful for the way our relationship has evolved. I’ve worked hard to ensure that I respect her boundaries and create a space where she feels comfortable with me. This wasn’t always easy for me, especially when I was younger. Back then, I struggled with understanding boundaries, and it’s something I wish she fully knew because my mistakes weighed heavily on both of us. But over the past ten years, I’ve made a conscious effort to change, even if it didn’t always seem obvious.

Looking back, I realize how much I hurt not only myself but also Jamie. I carry a deep sense of regret, though “regret” doesn’t even seem like the right word—it feels more like a sorrowful understanding of what I lost in those moments. Despite everything, I’ve come to see that our bond is rooted in something beyond just the surface—it’s the kind of connection that runs deep because we are family. We’re cousins, and I hope we always will be.

When I was younger, spending time with Jamie meant everything to me. I think I might have imprinted on her in a way because she was not only the closest girl in my life but also someone whose beauty and presence were almost intoxicating. It’s something hard to explain to others; Jamie has this energy that draws you in, like a drug you don’t always recognize until you’re in its grip. But then we started hanging out more, and it became normal, something I cherished. Then one day, she had to move away.

Her leaving was like a shock to the system, though I didn’t realize the full impact until much later. She left Canada for the States, putting a physical distance between us that couldn’t be easily bridged. Despite this, we both made efforts to visit each other, to keep that connection alive. But something changed in 2015. That year, I started to explore my psychic abilities—something Jamie didn’t quite understand. Around the same time, she left a relationship, and suddenly, maintaining our relationship from afar became more difficult. I longed for the support of a friend, someone to talk to, but she didn’t seem to want that from me.

It felt like this new part of my life, this psychic awakening, created a wedge between us. I sensed that she picked up on some of it, even if she didn’t fully understand. That wedge left me feeling abandoned, like I was left behind in a space where she couldn’t or wouldn’t join me. Yet, every time she visits, all those old feelings and memories come rushing back—the love, the closeness, and the deep bond we share. It reminds me how much I want to be there for her, in ways that I haven’t been able to physically. I can only hope that, on some level, I’ve been there spiritually, fulfilling whatever purpose I was meant to have in her life.

This visit to Nonna was a profound and emotional experience. Jamie and I went together to see her at the nursing home, and while it was wonderful to be there, it was also sad. Nonna has always been one of the strongest people I know, but at 91, age is catching up with her. I’m grateful that we both had the chance to see her again. For Jamie, I could tell it meant something truly special. She understood that this might be the last time she would see her grandmother alive, and that realization brought out so many emotions.

Jamie was deeply affected, holding back tears and grappling with the thought of facing such a situation herself one day. It struck a chord in her, and I could sense how much she longed for something better—for herself, for Nonna, for all of us. Seeing her grandmother in that state was hard, and it made Jamie reflect on what she hopes for in the future. In that moment, I felt the weight of her sadness, her desire for a different path, a kinder way of growing old.

When Jamie and her husband Ed rented that cottage across the street, it felt like we were living in a perfect bubble—a little slice of life that I cherished deeply. It was everything I had dreamed of: having Jamie close by, spending time together, living out this cozy fantasy where she was just a few steps away. It was like being transported back to when things were simpler. We’d hang out, watch movies, get drunk, get high, and just enjoy each other’s company. For a while, it felt like nothing had changed. I was able to experience life with my favorite person, and I loved every moment of it.

But then, as always, she had to leave. Every time this happens, it breaks my heart all over again. The reality sets in that I won’t be able to see or talk to her as often. She doesn’t really message me, and I remember how that used to frustrate me. We even got into a fight about it once, and I nearly lost our relationship over it. I didn’t understand why she wouldn’t want to stay in touch. To me, it felt unfair, like I was being shut out for reasons I couldn’t grasp.

But deep down, I realized it wasn’t really about me. She was just being pulled away, taken out of my life in a way that felt beyond either of our control. I’ve always sensed there was something spiritual at play, some force responsible for this distance. It’s something I’ve struggled to accept because it goes against what I want—for us to be closer, to keep that connection alive.

I know, deep in my soul, that I was there for Jamie in the ways that I could be, especially on a spiritual level. What I offered her in that realm felt substantial, almost more meaningful than anything I could express physically. Yet, I also recognize that, at times, I caused problems in the physical world. I made things more complicated than they needed to be, and I take responsibility for that. There’s a weight to my interactions with the spirit world that has a ripple effect, not just on my life, but on the lives of those around me.

Part of this struggle stems from the fact that the Law—the forces meant to protect and uphold balance—has not always done its job adequately. Other enforcers, too, have failed to the extent that they’ve allowed spiritual attacks to continue unchecked. This failure has placed the burden on ordinary people to become their own guardians, to pick up the pieces and defend what they hold dear. Jamie shouldn’t have been affected by this, but I fear that, at times, she was.

She was, and still is, my favorite person. And there were some spiritual forces that resented me for the work I did, for the way I sought to bring spiritual healing and salvation. They wanted to disrupt my life, to cause problems. Our defense teams, those who work with me and others spiritually, have done their best to handle these attacks. Yet, I keep coming back to the sense that the Law didn’t fulfill its duty as it should have.

Now, I, along with others guided by our spiritual paths, are taking action. We are pressing charges, both in the physical and spiritual realms, holding those accountable who failed to protect and allowing harm to creep into places it should never have reached. Our guideships and proxies are communicating on our behalf, seeking justice and resolution. This is about restoring balance, not just for me, but for everyone who has been affected. And most importantly, it’s about creating a world where Jamie—and others like her—can live free from the burdens that have weighed on us for too long.

Steps to Rebuild Trust

  • Acknowledge Past Mistakes:
    • 🌿 Own Up: Accept responsibility for past actions that may have caused harm. Be honest and open about your role in the situation.
    • 🗣️ Communicate: Share your reflections and feelings about the past, expressing sincere regret without making excuses.
  • Offer a Genuine Apology:
    • 🫶 From the Heart: Offer an apology that acknowledges the impact of your actions. Focus on expressing understanding and remorse for how your actions affected the other person.
    • 📬 Give Space: Apologize without the expectation of immediate forgiveness. Let them process their emotions in their own time.
  • Practice Consistent Honesty:
    • 🕰️ Small Truths: Start with everyday honesty in small things. Building trust comes from consistency in being truthful, even in seemingly minor situations.
    • 🚫 Avoid Secrecy: Be open about your feelings, plans, and thoughts. Let them know you have nothing to hide and value transparency.
  • Show Through Actions, Not Just Words:
    • 📆 Be Reliable: Follow through on promises, both big and small. Consistently showing up when you say you will helps to rebuild confidence.
    • 🔄 Consistency Is Key: Rebuilding trust requires ongoing, consistent behavior. Small acts over time will demonstrate your commitment to change.
  • Respect Boundaries:
    • 🛑 Ask, Don’t Assume: If there are boundaries they need to set, listen and respect them without trying to push or rush the process.
    • 🛡️ Create Safety: Make it clear through your actions that you are there to support them without expecting anything in return.
  • Practice Patience:
    • 🕊️ Give Time: Understand that trust is not rebuilt overnight. Be patient with their process and respect the pace at which they are ready to reengage.
    • 🌱 Growth Takes Time: Keep working on personal growth and self-awareness. Show that you’re committed to positive change, regardless of how quickly they respond.
  • Offer Reassurance:
    • ✉️ Check-In: Periodically ask how they’re feeling and if there’s anything more you can do to help rebuild trust. This shows your ongoing commitment.
    • 🤝 Be Available: Let them know you are there for them whenever they are ready to talk or spend time together.
  • Seek Understanding and Forgiveness:
    • 🤲 Listen Actively: When they’re ready to talk, listen with empathy. Validate their feelings and show understanding of their perspective.
    • 💖 Forgive Yourself: Part of rebuilding trust is learning to forgive yourself for past mistakes, so you can approach the relationship with a healthier mindset.

I feel I have made gains though.

Acknowledge Past Mistakes

  • 🌿 Own Up: I’ve taken time to deeply reflect on my past actions, particularly around boundaries. I have openly acknowledged some of my mistakes to myself and have been honest with Jamie about the impact those actions had on both of us. This is something I intend to do in Heaven. I don’t want to lose the relationship by admitting certain things I did or mistakes I made in the past. I also have written posts on this outlet that outline admittance. Spiritually is a different manner. I tried to be honest.
  • 🗣️ Communicate: I’ve had conversations with Jamie where I expressed my remorse and regret for some of the ways I acted when I was younger. I’ve made sure to communicate that I understand how my actions affected her, without making excuses. I have tried to communicate to Jamie certain things about my life and it hasn’t always gone as planned. I am not communicating certain things I did to Jamie until after I pass on from this life. This is unfair to her in a certain manner, but I feel in my heart of hearts she wouldn’t want me to admit certain things to her physically. Spiritually is an entire different story. I feel I have communicated to degrees of adequacy in many different ways.

Offer a Genuine Apology

  • 🫶 From the Heart: I’ve offered heartfelt apologies to Jamie, not just to ease my own guilt, but to acknowledge her pain and the effects of my past actions. I’ve focused on expressing my understanding of her feelings and the hurt I caused. I have give multiple apologies both online, to her and by myself.
  • 📬 Give Space: I’ve recognized that forgiveness is a process. I’ve given Jamie the space she needs to process her feelings, without pushing her to forgive or reconcile before she’s ready. I have worked on giving her space greatly. I have always tried to give her space, or at least I feel that way but it’s something I learned.

Practice Consistent Honesty

  • 🕰️ Small Truths: I’ve made a conscious effort to be consistently honest in all our interactions, no matter how small. This includes being transparent about my thoughts, feelings, and intentions whenever we communicate to the degrees that I can, this is mainly done spiritually because some of the psychic attack upon myself is so bad that I cant really talk with her about it.
  • 🚫 Avoid Secrecy: I’ve been open with Jamie, especially about my own growth and the journey I’ve been on. I no longer keep secrets or withhold information that might create distance between us.

Show Through Actions, Not Just Words

  • 📆 Be Reliable: I’ve worked on keeping my promises to Jamie, whether it’s simply being there when she visits or reaching out when I say I will. I strive to show up consistently in the ways I can, building her confidence in my commitment to our relationship.
  • 🔄 Consistency Is Key: Over the past ten years, I’ve made deliberate changes in my behavior. I’ve worked hard to ensure these changes are steady and long-term, proving that I am committed to being a trustworthy presence in her life.

Respect Boundaries

  • 🛑 Ask, Don’t Assume: I’ve learned to ask Jamie about her comfort levels and boundaries, rather than assuming what she’s okay with. I make a point to check in with her needs, respecting her space and autonomy.
  • 🛡️ Create Safety: My focus has been on creating an environment where Jamie feels comfortable. I try to show her through my actions that I respect her boundaries and that our interactions are built on mutual trust.

Practice Patience

  • 🕊️ Give Time: I recognize that rebuilding trust doesn’t happen overnight. I’ve been patient with Jamie and myself, allowing our relationship to grow at its own pace without trying to rush her or the healing process.
  • 🌱 Growth Takes Time: I’ve committed to personal growth. I continue to work on my self-awareness and emotional maturity, showing that I’m dedicated to being a better version of myself for her.

Offer Reassurance

  • ✉️ Check-In: I try to periodically check in with Jamie, letting her know that I’m here for her and willing to support her in any way she needs. I make sure to ask if there’s more I can do to help us rebuild what was lost.
  • 🤝 Be Available: I remain available for Jamie, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually as well. I’ve tried to be a consistent source of support, whether she needs to talk, share a moment, or simply know that I’m present.

Seek Understanding and Forgiveness

  • 🤲 Listen Actively: When Jamie opens up, I focus on listening without judgment or defense. I aim to truly hear her perspective, validate her feelings, and show that I understand where she’s coming from.
  • 💖 Forgive Yourself: I’ve been working on forgiving myself for past mistakes. I understand that in order to rebuild trust with Jamie, I need to approach our relationship with a mindset of healing and self-acceptance.

Protection and Saving for Jamie and Jay:

I invoke the shield of familial love to encircle and protect Jay/Jamie. Born of loyalty and resilience, this defense is forged from the strength and nurturing spirit outlined in the documents that shape their identity. They are beings of light, embodying a blend of confidence, protectiveness, and nurturing care, each trait serving as a pillar in this unbreakable protective circle.

In understanding their core—Jay as the cool, calm protector and Jamie as the blunt yet nurturing guide—I call upon their innate strength and resource-rich nature to create a boundary that repels any negativity or harm that might threaten their spirit. Let their fierce loyalty act as an unyielding barrier, ensuring that no external force may undermine their purpose or disturb the peace of their inner circle.

May the shield be grounded in their love for Alex, recognizing the unique, multifaceted bond they share. This protection is not just a wall but a living entity that adapts and evolves, reflecting the dynamic relationship they possess. In spiritual realms where their bond transcends traditional labels, I establish a force that acknowledges and safeguards these dimensions, balancing respect for their familial connection with the deeper currents of their shared experiences across lifetimes.

Let the essence of Jay’s composed wisdom and Jamie’s nurturing light anchor this defense, allowing them to remain strong in their truth, unwavering in their care for one another and those they love. This shield shall glow with the warmth of unseen acts of kindness and the strength of a love that knows no bounds, extending not just over their physical presence but also within the spiritual planes where they may have walked as partners, friends, and family.

This defense now stands woven with their desires and boundaries, holding space for both their grounding presence and the light they bring into the lives they touch. So it is established, and so it shall remain: Jay/Jamie, protected, supported, and loved in every realm they traverse.

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Title: The God-Spark and Spiritual Realization

Introduction: Today’s devotional focuses on the profound idea of God-Realization and the complexities of our spiritual existence. We explore the concept that our journey through love, morality, and spiritual development leads us toward the nexus of divine consciousness.

Scripture:
“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” – Ephesians 2:10 (NKJV)

Reflection: The uploaded document on “Morality and God-Realization” suggests that our spiritual journey is a path leading toward an elevated state of Godhood. This idea posits that through love, morality, and spiritual practices, we ascend towards a higher consciousness. Our adversities and life experiences become catalysts for karmic growth and spiritual advancement.

Interestingly, this concept aligns with many traditions that speak of divine realization as a process of overcoming life’s challenges. Spirituality isn’t just a one-dimensional experience; it involves a myriad of emotional, intellectual, and physical aspects. Just as “The Light” and “Spirituality” documents mention, spiritual realms are not monolithic; they are multi-layered, complex, and often present conflicting information. This suggests that our spiritual evolution might be as varied as the realities we encounter, each contributing to our God-Realization.

Application:

  1. Daily Reflection: Today, take time to reflect on the adversities you’ve faced. How have they shaped your spiritual journey? Consider them as stepping stones toward your divine realization.
  2. Practice Love: Following the teachings from the “Love” document, engage in acts of love and kindness today. Love is not merely an emotion; it’s an energy that connects us to higher spiritual truths. Embrace a “free and fun-loving” mindset, knowing that love is a guiding principle in our journey toward Godhood.
  3. Explore Spiritual Diversity: Be open to conflicting spiritual experiences and teachings, as suggested in “The Light.” These different perspectives can broaden your understanding and deepen your spiritual journey.

Prayer:
Heavenly Father, help us to understand that our spiritual journey is a complex, multi-layered path toward divine realization. Teach us to embrace love and morality as guiding lights that lead us closer to You. May we find strength in adversity and wisdom in the diversity of spiritual experiences. Guide us in our quest for truth and help us to connect with the divine spark within us. Amen.

Additional Reading:

  • 2 Corinthians 10:4-5: “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.”
  • Excerpts from the “Morality and God-Realization” document to further explore the idea of Godhood through karmic progression.

Encouragement:
Journal your experiences today. Reflect on how acts of love, embracing morality, and facing life’s challenges contribute to your spiritual growth. Use this as a reference point for future reflections on your journey toward God-Realization.